Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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