OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
