I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like iHOP with fire
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
