dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
