You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
