my phone needs a breathalizer
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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