Say something about gay babies.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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