who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize