You really coming over, don't trick.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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