Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
