Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
