I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
