once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
there is puke in my bra ... again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
