I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
