Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just had sex bonerless
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
