i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
