So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
