Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
