I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
