I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
