I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
