it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
