Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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