I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
