If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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