i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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