Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
