i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
