can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
