the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He? As in you personified your dick?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize