Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
