What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
