R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
