Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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