how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
