dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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