you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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