you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
