Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
