this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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