Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
