I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
