Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
