Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How naked do you want me to be?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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