at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
