Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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