You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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