it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize