There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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