This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
