It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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