So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
