do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
