We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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