The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
