We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
