so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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