i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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