We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
