i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
