i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
