I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
