I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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