And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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