I will die if light touches me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bring me that man meat
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
