Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
