Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize