Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
