Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
