He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
