who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
