so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
