At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
