i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
