I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
