I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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