another moral hangover. fuck.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
