how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish I only lived at night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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