Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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