I faked an abortion last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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