i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you had me at cake vodka
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
