I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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