Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
