I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
