On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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