i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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