you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
