turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
zippers are such a cool invention
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize