Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
