I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
