Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize