porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
