dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize