apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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