I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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