I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
