What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
