You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
