Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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