One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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